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10 Life & Sex Lessons Mom Never Told Me: #10. Sex = A-Bomb, for Better or Worse

Final post in #UnashamedList series. Written especially for youth navigating issues like sexual integrity, porn addiction, (sexual) abuse, etc.
Series intro and full 10 Day list here.

Sex was a massive part of my youth. I’ve shared snapshots of how hard it is being sexualized at an early age throughout this series. I’ve come out about the insidiousness of porn, upsides of “waiting,” and consequences of just doing everything you think is right.


But everything is more complicated Today.

That’s me on my 17th Birthday. No Instagram, Twitter or Tinder back in the 90’s. No Selfies or Filters to daily challenge my self-esteem. If a party got crazy, any d* pics were probably taken with a throwaway camera. There was no Social Media to torch a reputation or courage.

And when I went through a “tomboy” phase, LGBTQ wasn’t even on the radar…

There’s so much pressure on youth today. Few places to just Be. #MadRespect for all walking through it daily…

You’re so much stronger than you think…

Continue reading “10 Life & Sex Lessons Mom Never Told Me: #10. Sex = A-Bomb, for Better or Worse”

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10 Life & Sex Lessons Mom Never Told Me: #9- Get Yourself Checked w/a Friend

Day 9 from the #UnashamedList. Written especially to support eg youth navigating issues like sexual integrity, porn addiction, sexual abuse, etc…  Series intro here.

You’ve got to do it sometime.

I’m going to be honest. I don’t know if getting tested for STD’s is so normal now that it’s trend. I heard Trevor Noah (The Daily Show) joke once about Chlamydia and how everyone has it.

Oh really?

But if you’ve never been checked out and have been sexually active–from intercourse, to just oral sex– Get. Yourself. Checked.

Continue reading “10 Life & Sex Lessons Mom Never Told Me: #9- Get Yourself Checked w/a Friend”

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10 Life & Sex Lessons Mom Never Told Me: #8- Your Body Means Something, It’s OK to Wait

Day 8 from the #UnashamedList, a special series written to support any youth navigating issues like sexual integrity, porn addiction, etc…  Series intro here.

We live in an instant gratification society.

Almost everything is at our fingertips, with a click or swipe. Waiting is a special skill.

Especially with sex: how foreign the idea of waiting might be…

Still, I wish I did. What’s more, I wish someone told me this was even an option. Waiting, sexual integrity, and my body as valuable property weren’t topics I was busy with.

Music, crushing and fun was.

Kids. Continue reading “10 Life & Sex Lessons Mom Never Told Me: #8- Your Body Means Something, It’s OK to Wait”

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10 Life & Sex Lessons Mom Never Told Me: #7- It’s Not Cool for Teachers or Parents to Hit On You

Day 7 from the #UnashamedList series. Written to be a resource for any youth navigating issues like sexual integrity, porn addiction,..  Series intro here.

After reading Day 5, my husband dropped this:

“Op een oude fiets moet je het leren.”

Apparently it’s an old Dutch phrase meaning, literally: ‘You’ve got to learn it on an old bike.‘

The cultural meaning is: get your sexual practice with someone with experience. Continue reading “10 Life & Sex Lessons Mom Never Told Me: #7- It’s Not Cool for Teachers or Parents to Hit On You”

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Sometimes We Need Mud in Our Eyes to See Straight [#LoveHateCountdown]

Why did Jesus heal blindness two different ways? One man was healed with a word, the other with spit and dirt. It was a mess, it didn’t make sense, but after a rinse a man born blind could see. The religious elite didn’t like it. They held an inquiry, interrogating and frightening the parents. They asked the man: “what did he do to you?” but weren’t satisfied with the answer. They insulted him to the core and then excommunicated him.

But like all freaks, weirdos, outcasts and misfits, Jesus seeks us out…

Continue reading “Sometimes We Need Mud in Our Eyes to See Straight [#LoveHateCountdown]”

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Open Letter to Anyone who ever Viewed, Considered, or Had Sexual Relations with Kids [#Hope, #BreakFree]

You may be a fellow parent at school, or faithful church goer. Maybe a pastor, doctor, teacher, neighbor, police officer, business mogul, bus driver, politician, janitor… You may be friend or family, male or female, greying or young, any race, (anti)religion, sexual orientation, political party affiliation,..

I’m not here to curse or condemn you. This is an honest letter from the heart.

Continue reading “Open Letter to Anyone who ever Viewed, Considered, or Had Sexual Relations with Kids [#Hope, #BreakFree]”