10 Life & Sex Lessons Mom Never Told Me: #10. Sex = A-Bomb, for Better or Worse

Final post in #UnashamedList series. Written especially for youth navigating issues like sexual integrity, porn addiction, (sexual) abuse, etc.
Series intro and full 10 Day list here.


Sex was a massive part of my youth. I’ve shared snapshots of how hard it is being sexualized at an early age throughout this series. I’ve come out about the insidiousness of porn, upsides of “waiting,” and consequences of just doing everything you think is right.


But everything is more complicated Today.

That’s me on my 17th Birthday. No Instagram, Twitter or Tinder back in the 90’s. No Selfies or Filters to daily challenge my self-esteem. If a party got crazy, any d* pics were probably taken with a throwaway camera. There was no Social Media to torch a reputation or courage.

And when I went through a “tomboy” phase, LGBTQ wasn’t even on the radar…

There’s so much pressure on youth today. Few places to just Be. #MadRespect for all walking through it daily…

You’re so much stronger than you think…

Continue reading “10 Life & Sex Lessons Mom Never Told Me: #10. Sex = A-Bomb, for Better or Worse”

10 Life & Sex Lessons Mom Never Told Me: #9- Get Yourself Checked w/a Friend

Day 9 from the #UnashamedList. Written especially to support eg youth navigating issues like sexual integrity, porn addiction, sexual abuse, etc…  Series intro here.


You’ve got to do it sometime.

I’m going to be honest. I don’t know if getting tested for STD’s is so normal now that it’s trend. I heard Trevor Noah (The Daily Show) joke once about Chlamydia and how everyone has it.

Oh really?

But if you’ve never been checked out and have been sexually active–from intercourse, to just oral sex– Get. Yourself. Checked.

Continue reading “10 Life & Sex Lessons Mom Never Told Me: #9- Get Yourself Checked w/a Friend”

10 Life & Sex Lessons Mom Never Told Me: #8- Your Body Means Something, It’s OK to Wait

Day 8 from the #UnashamedList, a special series written to support any youth navigating issues like sexual integrity, porn addiction, etc…  Series intro here.


We live in an instant gratification society.

Almost everything is at our fingertips, with a click or swipe. Waiting is a special skill.

Especially with sex: how foreign the idea of waiting might be…

Still, I wish I did. What’s more, I wish someone told me this was even an option. Waiting, sexual integrity, and my body as valuable property weren’t topics I was busy with.

Music, crushing and fun was.

Kids. Continue reading “10 Life & Sex Lessons Mom Never Told Me: #8- Your Body Means Something, It’s OK to Wait”

10 Life & Sex Lessons Mom Never Told Me: #7- It’s Not Cool for Teachers or Parents to Hit On You

Day 7 from the #UnashamedList series. Written to be a resource for any youth navigating issues like sexual integrity, porn addiction,..  Series intro here.


After reading Day 5, my husband dropped this:

“Op een oude fiets moet je het leren.”

Apparently it’s an old Dutch phrase meaning, literally: ‘You’ve got to learn it on an old bike.

The cultural meaning is: get your sexual practice with someone with experience. Continue reading “10 Life & Sex Lessons Mom Never Told Me: #7- It’s Not Cool for Teachers or Parents to Hit On You”

10 Life & Sex Lessons Mom Never Told Me: #6- Don’t Ever Be Ashamed, We’re all Jacked

Day 6 from the #UnashamedList Series. Written especially for youth or young adults navigating sexual integrity, porn addiction, identity, etc. Intro here.


Each day of this series I’ve been sharing some of my X-rays to expose what can go wrong.

Today I want to share what goes right: You.

Don’t dare be ashamed of anything you saw, did, thought, or even what was done to you. Never. Continue reading “10 Life & Sex Lessons Mom Never Told Me: #6- Don’t Ever Be Ashamed, We’re all Jacked”

10 Life & Sex Lessons Mom Never Told Me: #5- The “Everything But Sex” Approach Doesn’t Work

Day 5 from the #UnashamedList Series. Written especially for youth or young adults navigating sexual integrity, porn addiction, identity, etc. Series intro here.


These posts are crazy vulnerable. This one was extra hard to write.

Remember when I said I gave it away to the first guy I kissed? (ugh). We weren’t even dating. It was just a friend who happened to be very cute, and a bit older, and anyway..

(ps, I 100% dispute the size of that “forever alone” quadrant

Continue reading “10 Life & Sex Lessons Mom Never Told Me: #5- The “Everything But Sex” Approach Doesn’t Work”

10 Life & Sex Lessons Mom Never Told Me: #4- Smashing & Hook-Ups: Practice DOES NOT Make Perfect

Day 4 from the #UnashamedList Series. Written especially for youth or young adults navigating sexual integrity, porn addiction, identity, etc. Series intro here.


It’s a simple equation: If I get experience with kissing, hooking-up, sex, then i’ll get better at it for when it counts.

Sounds logical, right? If you practice piano, you get better. If you fall off a bike, but keep getting up, you’re a champ.

Somehow, hooking-up is different, but you may not find out until you find  “The One.” Continue reading “10 Life & Sex Lessons Mom Never Told Me: #4- Smashing & Hook-Ups: Practice DOES NOT Make Perfect”

#UnashamedList of 10 Life & Sex Lessons Mom Never Told Me [Series Starts Here]

That’s me on my 17th birthday. Woo, virginity blown the year before (with the first guy I kissed–in the same setting–ugh), vowed “never again” till marriage (yikes), sexualized more than a decade prior, porn addicted–didn’t realize it was addiction or problem…

Houston, you still with me?
Continue reading “#UnashamedList of 10 Life & Sex Lessons Mom Never Told Me [Series Starts Here]”

Shine & Shadow: How to Stay in the Light without Throwing Shade

God-glimpses aren’t confined to churches, prayer or fasting. Sometimes (many times?) they can happen in the natural, every-day moments.

I biked with three of my littles one unnaturally warm winter day. The youngest sitting behind me piped up:  “Look, look!”

Continue reading “Shine & Shadow: How to Stay in the Light without Throwing Shade”

Taken From God’s Rib [Multimedia Post]

Is it so simple? We were enjoying an outdoor wedding and it was like heaven touched down– the weather, the people, music, everything was amazing. So much freedom and fun, especially for the kids. We stayed all night long.

When a speaker shared about the Adam/Eve story, full heart and humor, I got hit:

If Eve was made for/from Adam so he wouldn’t be lonely, maybe God made all of us for the same reason? [-click to tweet-]

God, lonely? Ridiculous! Blasphemous!

Ok, but here’s a question: did you ever experience a great place, delicious food, or sick beat and not want to share it with someone?

Continue reading “Taken From God’s Rib [Multimedia Post]”

The One Thing Voldermort Maybe Got Right, and Snape Wrong: A Love Note

It’s ok if you’re late to the Harry Potter party. It’s been 20+ years since the debut (omg, we’re that old) and as a high school junior I had little time or interest in the hype and hysteria that came with it. Not to mention many Christian circles (still) actively opposing the magic and “witchcraft.”

It wasn’t until this year when my kids’ school sent a letter urging parents to be alert for trends and hypes, particularly where magic or superpowers were involved, that something in me started to rumble.

Continue reading “The One Thing Voldermort Maybe Got Right, and Snape Wrong: A Love Note”

You’re God’s One and Only…

My daughter dropped a pebble she found at a fair while we biked and it was a drama. Some days later I turned out small pockets and found more stones. I kept thinking of this post so went to revisit. Maybe the message touches your heart too. Enjoy.

Heart in Formation

My son is a self-proclaimed ‘collector of stones.’ When I see a driveway full of rocks, he sees treasure. He searches for favorites and shows me his joys, describing and identifying beauty in each one.

I’m always surprised how unique they are when I start looking, despite being just rocks.stones-this one is special-we re Gods One and Only_HeartinFormation

Does God see us and seek us like this?

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Sense in That Mess? There May be Hope for us Heroes…

Why can’t I find Corrie ten Boom books in my library? This Dutch girl was part of a family that hid Jews in their Haarlem home during WW2. Betrayed by her countrymen, they ended up in camps and she wrote amazing stories of hope and God’s Hand through the darkness (eg. “The Hiding Place“/”De Schuilplaats”).

When touring the home (free and I highly recommend) the guide pointed out a framed embroidery of Mess. Hundreds of tangled threads hung midair and I longed to shift and organize them to make sense of a pattern. If I remember correctly, the guide asked:

Continue reading “Sense in That Mess? There May be Hope for us Heroes…”

Playing ‘Hard to Get’ with God, or the Other Way Around?

Was ‘The Bachelor’ a jump start for ‘Secret Princes’ where royalty go undercover to find true love? These shows expose our longing to be loved for who we are, not what we have, do, or who we’re friends and family with.

Might it be the same with God?

 

 

Did Superman always walk around with the cape..?

Continue reading “Playing ‘Hard to Get’ with God, or the Other Way Around?”

Maybe that Mess was People, Not God?

Did you ever visit a church and something rubbed your heart wrong? Or maybe you experienced something from someone identifying as a Christian–maybe it was gossip, deceit, or some form of oppression, or maybe flat-out hate, or abuse? Worst of all, it may have been done with the support of bible texts.

If you thought: This cant be God—and if it is I want nothing to do with *Him– you may have been right. Maybe it was People, not God.

Continue reading “Maybe that Mess was People, Not God?”