Hey lovely readers, happy Friday! In today’s post I flag the music band Tool, but that’s pretty niche, so plug in any group you enjoy! Let’s go!
True story, I’m a Tool fan. Not the stuff to help you fix stuff, but a music band that’s been doing me in since the 90’s. (maybe they do fix stuff).
I still remember where I first heard them: back in high school, in a best friend’s car (not best at the time), driving on a dark road, probably breaking curfew, definitely getting one of my most major musical upgrades to date.
Fast forward almost three decades, change one continent and I’m heading to my first mega concert with that friend. This is going to be epic.
The band’s music is embedded in my DNA: visceral, at times cathartic, complex, melodic, twists, primal.. I lack words to do it justice, except, as the Dutch say: Lekerrr.
When their songs kick on, I’m immediately practicing mindfulness: Nothing else happening in the world.
Dutch Alert: Brace yourself.
Concert tickets aren’t cheap for any band, and this was my first big event with all the works, including a friend who crossed an ocean to join. It was all a big deal (or as my dad would say, a BFD).
Understandably, I had no intention, even idea, to sit or muse, but to stand and rock out. I even flagged my friend before the start: ‘Hey, I will probably lose it here.‘ His response was a welcome, knowing nod.
When was the last time you helped a friend feel safe to be or express themselves?
Once Tool started, sound waves and the masses activating, I was overwhelmed. It was Awesome. Full Stop. But despite the Energy, the insanely precise sound quality, the stage design and matchless music (including the vocals of the gentle giant frontman), to my dismay many around me where –GASP–sitting?!
I was perplexed. Even felt ashamed. Holland, is this some generational trauma showing?
So instead of fully absorbing the Event, I was constantly checking the people behind me– Can they see? Am I blocking their view with my arms? Should I adjust my standing height? Can I lean on my seat top to help them? ..Ugh.
I even caught someone ask my friend plainly to sit down. Holy Shitake.
Granted, Ziggo Dome Amsterdam is fully seated, you saw it in my first picture. And we were on Floor 1 (a risky decision I made heart over head to be closer to the band albeit higher, over center ground floor, but further back). (my gamble paid off big time..)
Below me, fellow fans cheered, danced, connected.. But with so many rumps down to my side, it was like, are we at the movies? Funk that.
Get personal: If you’re at an event – be it park concert, kid recital, street performance…- do you feel free to applaud, maybe even cheer?
I’ve seen the ‘silent-sober’ style in The Netherlands before. Including last week on the train..
A dark skinned youth, not speaking Dutch, was held up by train conductors over a 2,60Eur ticket. (He had a ticket going in the other direction, but the conductor tore it up). They called the cops. It was teh most extreme thing I’ve seen in Holland to date. There was no violence, no yelling, no fussing, –nothing but a bewildered and frightened looking youth. And cops were called? 2euros and 60cents? I kid you not. @NS
A fellow passenger with dark skin went to inquire. I joined. We offered to pay for the original ticket (rejected), we asked why the youth couldn’t just pay the fine, or be kicked out of the train with admonition to buy the proper ticket–something I’ve seen before- (denied).
The conductors implied they wanted to make an example of him. 🥵
Through this whole ordeal none of my fellow, ‘typical’ Dutch passengers got up to inquire. They barely even looked at one another, though we all were suddenly thrown into a situation (our train was held at a station, doors locked, for about 30 minutes).
What would you have done? Keep your head down? Share annoyed looks with fellow passengers? Get up and try to talk reason to the train staff?…?
In my experience, many Dutch struggle with expression. See exhibit A and B:
“Doe eens normaal, je bent al gek genoeg” (act normal, you’re crazy enough as it is) -and- “..je hoofd boven het maaiveld uitsteken'” (stick your head above the mowing field, it will get chopped).
Nothing about ‘shine your light’ or ‘if you see something say something.’
The very country name: The Netherlands or, colloquial “lagelanden” literally means low, “humble” lands.
Yes, a great part of Holland is below sea level, but lowly is also old English for humble, and “neder” or, “nederig” literally means “humble” in Dutch.
Coincidence?
*ps. Holland and The Netherlands are interchangeable names like America and USA
The Dutch might sit at Rock concerts (generalizing here), but how many times have all of us let surroundings, people, or tradition inhibit our expression?
Including my own inner voice saying ‘don’t do that, you’ll look weird‘ or ‘don’t say that, you’ll sound foolish.’
So in the spirit of stretching, here are some tips that might help us all enjoy/live/thrive more.
4 Tips to Expand Your Expression and Enjoyment
1. Observe those you may think strange, overly positive, or annoying.
If you’re at a music event or club, what’s going on with those around you? Never mind anyone you maybe came with (your own circle may just be mirroring you and your behaviors or hangups).
Can a fish know it’s in water by watching other fish? Or maybe check the penguins.
2. Try a Dose of Empathy
This can be tricky, especially if you don’t feel particularly sensitive, but gratitude can help.
Imagine spending an entire day creating a meal for someone. When you finally serve it of course you hope the other person enjoys in some way. But what if they just swallow and nod? Ouch.
Imagine if instead they said, ‘wow!’ or ‘thanks!’ or ‘ mm, good!’ Anything expressing the feelings inside. How would you feel?
Try opening the tap on your gratitude. Or fake it till you make it! What’s the worst that can happen? Someone may feel appreciated? Validated? Happy? Is that really so bad?
3. Practice the Art of Losing Your Sh*t: Turn the Music Up
I think a great way to get in touch with your inner Lover/Expressor is to play a favorite tune. Turn it up, maybe a bit more, and really drink in the sounds.
What do you love about it? The lyrics? Sing em out! The bass? Can you move your body to it’s notes alone? The drum rolls, or guitar solo? When was the last time you air-played?
Try when no one else is looking. Allow yourself a moment to be free and be. If that means lying on the floor to just absorb the music, do that.
You matter, your Self matters.
My fellow Dutch may be exhibiting a generational trauma stemming from a not too distant past, just two generations ago, self protection and survival were a necessity. And all of us know what it’s like to be ‘different’ in some way, to stand out, and how in some places, in some periods, that has been down right life threatening.
Witch burnings were a thing.
But if you are in a safe space physically, try the occasional: I DON’T CARE. The feeling inside that makes it clear that it’s OK to be and do you, regardless of what others think.💓
And if you feel like you are always being you, and have no idea what I’m talking about, check Point 1. Maybe you could stand to turn up your volume a little. 😉 Might be a stress buster for you, and a joy and encouragement for everyone around. 🙂 Let’s go!
How are you working to stretch your box? When was the last time you let loose? Post in the comments!
Related Posts:
-Remix your Life: Are you “Being” or just Labelling Up?
–Diamonds & Pencils: Become the Hero of your Own Story“
–Microphone Check: Life – Could we do this with eyes closed?
