Part of this blog has been about coming out about stuff. Being vulnerable, daring to share. That’s why it’s sometimes quiet– not because I’m not writing, but because I’m not posting, not letting go.
This time was different. I wasn’t writing. These are the first words penned since I lost
–6 minutes doing other things before I can write this next part–
Some people have strained or even terrible relationships with theirs. If at all. Mine was a Best Friend, a Warrior, my King. There are some things you don’t fathom until they’re gone.
Can you imagine the world without the ocean? Or air?
My Dad showed me absolute, unconditional love and acceptance. I could share my crazy any time, no problem. And rebellious harshness was never unforgivable.
I wish this kind of love for everyone. It’s life.
But easy to take for granted if you always swim in it. Like Air.
His responses were always tempered. Wisdom from a lifetime of reading, wide-thinking, far-traveling, legal/social/cultural-navigating, fighting for equal treatment of others as a career and passion.
I could call at 3am, thousands of miles away. If needed he would come. “Too Easy.”
Dads who teach you they stand on the streetside to protect you. And admonish you to do that for others.
Dads who remind you not to jump at any news, because there’s always 3 sides to a story.
Dads who keep telling you not to sweat the small stuff–and it’s all small stuff.
Dads who dance when wiping their shoes at the door, enjoy the little things, spark your coffee love, always point to Wonder and Gratitude, stay the course under any Fire.
Dads who Serve and always set the example and Standard. Dads who Survive.
It’s because of a crazy vision years ago that I started calling “God,” Dad.
(and I never told you..)
Mine left without warning. In his sleep, 63 years young. I could ask for nothing kinder. You get “the call” and the world stops. You’ve lost limbs, you have no strength, you’re falling off a cliff every time you think of him. You can’t breathe. Or look at photos. Or feel where his pen left its weight on inscriptions..
You wonder how anyone survives this.
#Covid restricted travel, blocked any kind of gathering or service, and so much more..
I realize many are running through these traumas. <3
Hang. in. there.
But I know stars shine even in the daytime. Even when we can’t see them. Even if we aren’t thinking of them.
I showed my kids the sun in comparison to Rigel, a mere star in beloved Orion.
We read about solar nurseries and star life cycles and for the first time ever–call me crazy, or slow— I considered celestial bodies like living things.
Like plants, animals, people..
I shared this with my mom, and the quiz trap, “How many stars are in our solar system?” (wink, wink: One).
A bible-nerd verse came to mind and I went digging. But found a gem my broken heart wasn’t expecting:
“All flesh is not the same flesh; but there is one kind of flesh of men, another flesh of beasts, another of fishes, and another of birds.
There are also celestial bodies, and bodies terrestrial; but the glory of the celestial is one, and the glory of the terrestrial is another. There is one glory of the sun, and another glory of the moon, and another glory of the stars; for one star differs from another star in glory..
“So also is the resurrection of the dead. It is sown in corruption; it is raised in incorruption. It is sown in dishonor; it is raised in glory.
It is sown in weakness; it is raised in power. It is sown a natural body; it is raised a spiritual body.” (verse)
Sown in weakness, raised in power..
I thought of the fragility of my father in contrast to his inner fortitude.
I thought about seeds, like hope, that thrive under heavy dark, the weight of the world on their shoulders.
How many times do we feel weak or broken? Alone? Do we also know we’re strong and courageous?
We’ve survived 100% of our days so far.
Mighty Track record.
Not everyone believes in an afterlife or seeing loved ones lost. I’m hoping for it, and an Insane party–after all, if creation took “6 days,” and Jesus said “I’m gonna prep a spot” –like 2,000 years ago– let your mind go.
Love is powerful. Unconditional love is unstoppable. And regardless of time, space, dimension and belief, Im still feeling it.
Love your life.
Share your heart.
Shine like you mean it.
The night is a little less dark when stars just Are.
Keep hope in these strange, uncertain and sometimes breaking days.
And the greatest things aren’t seen with the eyes anyway, right? <3
© @JasNotes – thisisheartinformation.com
Hey, I’m Jasmine, how are you holding up in this Covid time? Sending hugs. Also, if you need some grief resources pls check online. I’ve been fumbling through it here. Everyone grieves differently and there are no clear cut stages or timelines. And Covid is wacking the already unnormal pain and process. Be gentle and patient with yourself. Take. Your. Time.
One Ted Talk I saw before the world broke said we dont move on from it, we move forward with it (Nora McInerny). Time helps. Breathing helps. I’m still in it so still lack wisdom.
I’m sending love. I did a quick google search this or this may have something for you. (but I haven’y thoroughly checked them).
Feel free to post a comment below, or share the blog. We could all use a little encouragement and connection these days❤
A little more Encouragement?
– Stay the Same or Show Up? The Rainbow Needs all Her Colors to Shine
– Diamonds & Pencils: Become the Hero of Your Story
– Stars are Always Shining, even if you Don’t See Them
Surely a Dad-Approved:
–Busting Religion: Why I let my Kids Play with Batman, Nijago, Elsa..
NB: *I use He & His as simple pronouns for God, but fully recognize God with male and female “identity” (for lack of a better word) as demonstrated throughout the Bible and most blatantly through humanity. Related post, Transgender God, here.
-Old 80’s and 00’s pics of me and my dad @JasNotes
-space happenings poster via NASA
-“Justice is what love looks like in public,” book pic from Subversive Jesus, Craig Greenfield.
-Astronaut drawing, via Macmillian Color Library: Space (1979)
-Image of girl and sun, and NYC and moon via WP Gallery
-Star comparison via Macmillian Color Library: Space (1979)
-“South of Carina” Nebula/Stars image via NASA
-Cosmic/Explorer graphic via Stoian Hitrov (found via Walli wallpaper app)
-Poem, “Death Exists…” (in Dutch), thanks dear neighbor <3
-Sun collage by me, originals via NASA (i think, yikes).
Where I can, I always try to credit photo authors. Pls msg me for what I miss.
Take care peeps <3