10 Life & Sex Lessons Mom Never Told Me: #4- Smashing & Hook-Ups: Practice DOES NOT Make Perfect

Day 4 from the #UnashamedList Series. Written especially for youth or young adults navigating sexual integrity, porn addiction, identity, etc. Series intro here.

It’s a simple equation: If I get experience with kissing, hooking-up, sex, then i’ll get better at it for when it counts.

Sounds logical, right? If you practice piano, you get better. If you fall off a bike, but keep getting up, you’re a champ.

Somehow, hooking-up is different, but you may not find out until you findĀ  “The One.”

Imagine this: You really enjoy kissing your partner. Omg, like a dream. But, shucks, it doesn’t work out. You move on, meet others, a few hook-ups along the way. Everyone kisses differently. You know the drill. But wait, something is different…

Now you have a reference, or “standard,” based on that one partner.

ps, I fully support the #NoH8 movement and my LGBTQI peeps.

But whoa! Then you meet The One. This is it. I’m mean, you’re spending the rest of your life with this one. You’re going down the aisle with this one. But, uh, gee, those kisses are different.


Snowflakes, Wilson Bentley

Every physical or sexual experience can leave a memory–not always mental, sometimes just in the body. The shape of the lover, his/her scent, that thing he or she did.

For this reason alone, there’s some sense in saving yourself..

Because everyone deserves to fully and wildly enjoy their One, WITHOUT past references, standards, or comparisons in the back of their mind. (click to tweet)

But Jas, that’s not realistic. Or- Jas, I already blew it. I’ve done/seen too much.

Yo, I feel you. Listen to my mental peptalk right before I gave it away:

‘It’s better for me to do this with a friend (omg, we weren’t even dating!) so I can figure out what the heck I’m doing when it counts.’

When it Counts???!!


I know we don’t live in a world of restraint or waiting– even my notifications trigger “gotta check”/dopamine cycles in the brain. How much harder when something’s steaming up our hearts?

But I tell you this (Boys, for you too, big time):

  • Your body is a gift,
  • You have the right NOT to hand it over to anyone who wants it,
  • It’s OK. to. wait. You’re certainly worth it. (So is The One).

Whatever happened, whatever you did or was done to you, don’t you dare be ashamed! (Day 6?). Maybe just take this challenge for a day:

You don’t have to be a slave to your passion. [and if anything unwanted is going on, please tell someone!!] You’re way more powerful, and valuable, than you think.Ā  ā¤

Check tomorrow for Day 5 in this #UnashamedList series.
-Series start and full days list here.
-Follow series or blog by clicking ‘follow’ button on homepage, or adding emailĀ  to receive notifications of new posts.

Hey, I’m Jasmine, drinking coffee, and wondering: Am I the only one? What are some of your-wish I knew this sooner – lessons?
Post a comment below and pls share this series further, esp. with any youth or young adults. ā¤

Related Posts

  • Series Intro: Good Lord Im Sharing this??
  • Day 1: Porn is Crazy Addictive
  • Day 2: More to Life than Sex & Filters
  • Day 3: Money & Bling Ain’t No Thang

  • Image Credit:
    -Child on bike, sourced from Michelle Berand here.
    -Lovers pic, by Justin Groep, sourced on Unsplash.

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