This is Day 2 from the #UnashamedList Series. Written especially for youth and young adults navigating issues like sexual integrity, porn addiction, identity .. Series intro here.
Who doesn’t want to be loved? Who never wanted to be desired? I’ve been married 15 years and still want to be wanted by my husband.
In Middle/High School crushing and flirting can consume much free time (even long after).
Is he looking at me..? What did she say..?
You can be so self conscious. I got picked on for my hair, being new (we moved a lot), not having the right shoes–people can make fun of anything. I didn’t wear tanks until I was almost done with High School.
One day I just accepted my arms will never be those slim sticks I saw everywhere.
But now we’ve added filters and hyper non-reality to the mix.
With a click we can hate our own beauty multiple times a day. And don’t we all end up chasing decoys?
Yo, Angelina needs sleep too. And did anyone catch what they did to Bieber’s hands, back, muscles and, ahem, the rest…
In the ’50s, scientists identified female butterfly markings most attractive to mates. They then created cardboard butterflies painted with exaggerations of these traits, impossible in nature (article).
Despite real female butterflies around and available, the males kept trying to partner with the cardboard ones. Sad.
We may all want passion, or a good romp, and it only gets tougher in a committed– dare I say married/live-in– relationship (easy because you’re always together, harder because you can start taking eachother for granted, especially if littles arrive).
But really, Sex is an act so powerful, mind-blowing, and so compromising and vulnerable, that it’s one we should consider only sharing with someone we love and trust, who wants our best over their own interests. Dare I say, someone who wants to commit their life–fights, sickness, farts, hardships, no-glamour -and all.
It’s a hard Ask, but you–the #nofilter you— is worth it.
And more importantly, there’s WAY MORE to life and love than sex.
Just ask Harry Potter.
(My God, didn’t think I’d geek-out here!)
The HP Series was 8 blazing books of hard youth life, pain, passion, bravery, sometimes recklessness, but good, humble hearts.
Of the thousand+ pages in these books, there was only one memorable kiss! (ok, maybe two).
That in itself was a tiny part of what made the story so great to me. (like Voltron Legendary Defender on Netflix). You didn’t have to stick around to see who’d hook up with whom, when. It was a safe space.
On the flipside, the heart of the whole series (imho) was Love.
Love brings protection, makes sacrifices, makes us brave, gives strength…
Sex is like some explosive, albeit tiny, cherry on top of a cake, filled with icecream, served after salad, and soup, and snacks, and a massive main. It’s gorgeous, but there’s a lot more going on. (click to tweet)
Relationships and intimacy need More than sex to survive. And if the fruit of your love produces kids, well, be ready to learn there are depths to your heart and life you never fathomed.
Smashing shouldn’t be as Normal as Getting Coffee.
On SchoolTV.nl, one kid said, ‘if you’re ready (sex), just do it.’ Experimentation and normalisation are happening at 11yrs or less,
But the brain’s control center (impulse and judgement) doesn’t fully develop until 20-25 years (source)– Can we really know we’re ready when we’re so young?
The stakes are high on so many levels.
Hey, I’m Jasmine, about to get coffee and wondering: What do you think?
Post a comment below and please also share this series with fellow youth/any youth in your life. ❤
Posts of Interest
- Beauty Fades, Kindness Never Goes Out of Style
- #UnashamedList Kick Off – I’m really going to share this?
- Show Up, the Rainbow Needs All Her Colors to Shine (part of the 5-Minute Friday crew)
Links of Interest:
- WATCH: Women describe themselves to police sketch artist, then see how the pictures came out when others described them.. Powerful!
- Porn Kills Love/Fight the New Drug site
- “Why Porn is Full of Lies” from Fight The New Drug here.
- Protect Young Minds.org
- “Can’t Touch God – Can’t Touch You” (for any who ever doubted their worth, or experienced any form of abuse).
- “Good Feelings, Bad Feelings: Helping Kids Unravel Porn’s Tricky Dual Emotions”
- Prevent It – Taking Acton to S.T.O.P Child Sexual Abuse workshop
(free, available online and accessible to parents and professionals alike).
- “1 in 10 Visitors to Porn sites are under 10 years”
(with info, tips and this crazy graph)
-Cover image: Banksy
-3 Before & After stills, sourced here (“57 Celebs Before and After Photoshopping”–check this and Love Yourself Again!).
– Butterfly craft sourced here.
-Parallel World image sourced here.