[This series was posted in 2019–Man, X-rays from my soul.. But the series was always about being a support for any youth navigating these topics, so yeah, baring all..]
That cover pic is me on my 17th birthday. Woo, virginity blown the year before (first guy I kissed–in the same setting–ugh!), vowed “never again” till marriage (uhh…), sexualized more than a decade prior, porn addicted, didn’t realize it was an addiction or problem…
Houston, you still with me?
For the next 10 days I’m sharing some fallout from my youth closet, plus a few post-motherhood learnings to help encourage anyone (especially youth) navigating issues like sexual integrity, porn addiction, sexual abuse/prevention and even toxic masculinity.
As an advocate for youth and facilitator of a sexual abuse prevention workshop (Little Warriors), these topics touch my heart, maybe because I wrestled with so much myself.
But first, some 90’s High School Perspective
Because the world I grew up in operated very differently from now.
On Sex: As a Freshman (+/-14yrs), everyone assumed a dating couple was hooking-up (fooling around, but not flat-out sex). By my graduation, four years later, the norm was sex with your boy/girlfriend.
That’s 20 years ago!! What’s the norm today?
If the video below is correct, 11-14year olds are already experimenting and normalizing sex. Possibly earlier, especially with the ease of access to (extreme) porn.
Video (Dutch): Sex – What Would You Do?/Wat Zou Jij Doen? (via SchoolTV.nl)
On 90’s Tech: We didn’t have Smartphones so intimate or explorative acts had no threat of showing up online, although a throwaway camera might have a dick-pic on it. (We did write a lot more letters and notes back then, some x-rated).
We had “beepers” so sexting wasn’t a thing, and only a few music clips glorified chicks, sex or bling like today. (Some of the worst seem to come from the Ladies themselves…Happy Women’s Day.)
Mad Respect to Youth Today.
I’ve got four littles and see first hand how fast tech-society is blazing. Social media reps, online bullying, big brother lifestyle, crazy easy access to extreme porn, plus diverse media promo and/or normalisation of abusive or toxic relationships as hot.
I don’t know how youth today cope– sexually, emotionally, socially and mentally.
(click to tweet)
#Respect
We didn’t have Whatsapp, Instagram, FB or Twitter rapping our attention, no Selfies or Filters to make us even more self-conscious. “Snapchat” was passing notes in the hallway, “Face Time” was a quick meet at the lockers, and discussion about existence or the universe wasn’t just for National Geographic.
I did many things I regret, was in compromising, get-the hell-out-of-there situations, and can look back often and think: must be angels watching (actually, there are).
Fitting in, finding yourself, plus making grades was/is hard enough. Add a constant undercurrent of crushing, flirting, hooking up,.. and now hyper body/skin/image aware?
Help!
We are sexual beings, and sex is one our most powerful, God-given gifts. For better or worse.
(click to tweet)
But It’s. Not. Everything.
If I look back, there are things I wish I knew sooner. Would’ve saved some head & heartache. <3
Here comes my list to try and help some being swept away, or landing in a straight-up mine field.
Check below for the Days in this #UnashamedList series.
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Hey, I’m Jasmine, drinking coffee and wondering if there’s anything you wish you knew sooner? If you have kids, did you share some of your mess with them? Why or why not? Leave a comment below–there’s strength in speaking up/out.
Please also consider sharing this post/series with any youth in your life. <3
Day 1: Porn is Crazy Addictive.
Day 2: Sex & Filters on Display
Day 3: Money & Bling Aint No Thang
Day 4: Smashing & Hooking-Up: Practice DOES NOT Make Perfect
Day 5: The “Everything But Sex” approach doesn’t work.
Day 6: Don’t Ever Be Ashamed – We’re All Jacked
Day 7: It’s Not Cool if Your Teacher or Friend’s Parent Hits on You
Day 8: Your Body Means Something – It’s OK To Wait
Day 9: Get Yourself Checked w/ A Friend
Day 10: Sex is an A-Bomb, for Better or Worse.
Links of Interest:
- Can’t Touch God, Can’t Touch You -for any who doubted their worth or experienced any kind of abuse
- Letter to a Transgender Teen on Spirit Day– via Momastery/ Glennon Doyle (Author of Love Warrior)
- Stay the Same or Show Up” – a Rainbow needs All her Colors to Shine
- Protect Young Minds.org –great resources for helping porn-proof kids, also info on being supportive adult if porn-healing needed.
