That’s me on my 17th birthday. Woo, virginity blown the year before (with the first guy I kissed–in the same setting–ugh), vowed “never again” till marriage (yikes), sexualized more than a decade prior, porn addicted–didn’t realize it was addiction or problem…
Houston, you still with me?
For the next 10 days I’m sharing some fallout from my youth closet, plus a few post-motherhood learnings, to help encourage anyone (especially youth) navigating issues like sexual integrity, porn addiction, sexual abuse/prevention and even toxic masculinity.
As an advocate for youth empowerment and facilitator of the child sexual abuse prevention workshop “Prevent It!” (Little Warriors), these topics are dear to my heart, probably because I wrestled so much myself.
But first, a Smartwhat? Some 90’s High School Perspective.
On Sex: As a Freshman (+/-14yrs), everyone assumed a dating couple was hooking-up (fooling around, not flat-out sex). By graduation, four years later, the norm was sex with your boy/girlfriend.
That’s 20 years ago!! What’s the norm today?
If the video below is correct, 11-14year olds are already experimenting and normalizing sex. Possibly earlier, especially with the ease of access to extreme porn.
On 90’s Tech: We didn’t have Smartphones so intimate or explorative acts had no threat of showing up online (though we did write letters, some x-rated).
We had “beepers” so sexting wasn’t a thing, and only a few music clips glorified chicks, sex or bling like today. (Some of the worst seem to come from the Ladies themselves…Happy Women’s Day.)
Mad Respect to Youth Today.
I’ve got four littles and see first hand how fast tech-society is blazing. Social media reps, online bullying, big brother lifestyle, crazy easy access to extreme porn, plus diverse media promo and/or normalisation of abusive or toxic relationships as hot–
I don’t know how youth today cope– sexually, emotionally, socially and mentally. #Respect (click to tweet)
We didn’t have Whatsapp, Instagram, FB or Twitter rapping our attention, no Selfies or Filters to make us even more self-conscious. “Snapchat” was passing notes in the hallway, “Face Time” was a quick meet at the lockers, and discussion about existence or the universe wasn’t just for National Geographic.
I did many things I regret, was in compromising, get-the hell-out-of-there situations, and can look back often and think: must be angels watching (actually, there are).
Fitting in, finding yourself, plus making grades was hard enough. Add a constant undercurrent of crushing, flirting, and hooking up.
We’re sexual beings, and sex is one our most powerful, God-given gifts. For better or worse.
But it’s not everything. (click to tweet)
If I look back, there are things I wish I knew sooner. Would’ve saved some head & heartache. <3
Check below for the Days in this #UnashamedList series.
(You can follow this blog or series by clicking “Follow” on the homepage sidebar, or entering your email in the follow form).
Hey, I’m Jasmine, drinking coffee and wondering if there’s anything you wish you knew sooner? If you have kids, did you share some of your mess with them? Why or why not? Leave a comment below–there’s strength in speaking up/out.
Please also consider sharing this post/series with any youth in your life. <3
Day 1: Porn is Crazy Addictive.
Day 2: Sex & Filters on Display
Day 3: Money & Bling Aint No Thang
Day 4: Smashing & Hooking-Up: Practice DOES NOT Make Perfect
Day 5: The “Everything But Sex” approach doesn’t work.
Day 6: Don’t Ever Be Ashamed – We’re All Jacked
Day 7: It’s Not Cool if Your Teacher or Friend’s Parent Hits on You
Day 8: Your Body Means Something – It’s OK To Wait
Day 9: Get Yourself Checked w/ A Friend
Day 10: Sex is an A-Bomb, for Better or Worse.
Links of Interest:
- Can’t Touch God, Can’t Touch You -for any who doubted their worth or experienced any kind of abuse
- Letter to a Transgender Teen on Spirit Day– via Momastery/ Glennon Doyle (Author of Love Warrior)
- Stay the Same or Show Up” – a Rainbow needs All her Colors to Shine
- Protect Young Minds.org –great resources for helping porn-proof kids, also info on being supportive adult if porn-healing needed.