Totally Unsatisfied with God – How My Son’s Tantrum revealed Heaven’s Painful Secret

Today my son was cranky. Going out for breakfast with four children– three of them 4 years and under– isn’t easy or fast and my eldest was annoyed. “It’s too druk!” he protested (Dutch for busy/hectic), and I tried to soothe and encourage him. I shared about family from the perspective of The Incredibles (many God-lessons come from kids movies, like Frozen), noting that when they fought side-by-side they were the strongest. But my son didn’t want to hear, much less see me.The incredibles-movie-families can work best together.jpg

I suggested he walk ahead so it was like I wasn’t there, but he started to cry: ‘You are always there!” 

The world got quiet and slow and in an instant I had a heaven-flash…

Is this what I said to you, God? Is this why we can’t “see” You? Did I not want anything to do with You and, didn’t trust You had my best interest at heart, and, from eternity, was totally fed up with “Your Presence”??  Ouch.

One of the saddest glimpses into God’s Heart comes from this paragraph from Paul of Tsarsus:

“God, who made the world and everything in it.[..].does not dwell in temples made with hands. Nor is He worshiped with men’s hands as though He needed anything, since He gives to all life, breath, and all things.  …[but] He has made from one blood every nation to dwell on all the face of the earth and has determined their preappointed times and the boundaries of their dwellings, so that they should seek [Him], in the hope that they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us (Acts 17: 24-28)

on-the-road-Prodigal Son.jpgI can ask my kids for a hug but if they don’t want to give it I let them be (but how joyed I am when they come for a cuddle!)

Love isn’t Love if anything is forced, and God was always about our Freedom, but if we could see Him around every corner would we ‘feel’ free?

Could you curse in God’s Presence? Or fart or rail at Him?  Just like most of us would be hush in the presence of a King, so too we’d barely whisper, much less give our two cents, in God’s Presence.

But He wants our full expression and is allowing us to experience the full expression of a Life where He doesn’t have the reigns (atleast, not totally as He would like it–just check the state of the world today; horrors and heartbreak). I could be wrong but I’m guessing this is what we wanted all along, just like any child wants from their parents, just like the Prodigal Son who wanted his inheritance upfront and to walk away. God is waiting for the miracle-save the world-justice-love-JasNotes-authorunknown

One of Heaven’s painful secrets is the brokenness of Heaven’s Heart, and until the Day we see God face to Face, we just catch glimpses in nature and most beautifully in acts of genuine, self-sacrificing love.

My son’s remark sent an arrow in my heart, but in the process I grazed God’s. Glimpsing the Love and Freedom He always had in mind for us fires my heart, but also helps keep me steady, like the ground under my feet. (I trust the floor will hold me when I step–I don’t even think twice as I walk). 

The last verse in that poignant paragraph from Acts talks about how we “live, move and have our being in Him”–so like a child in a womb, wherever I go, I’m in His Presence.

Keep Hope. God is Present despite being “invisible” and truly He will right every wrong that has prevailed on earth. How could He not? He’s our Real Parent (read: will throw down for us).

I use “He” as a pronoun for God but fully recognize God with male/female “identity” (for lack of a better word), as demonstrated in Genesis 1:27, expressed throughout the bible, and evidenced by humanity. See two-part post: Transgender God for more.

This track “Brother Moon” encourages on how Present God can be. Listen and if ever hope/faith seem lost, remember the Wind (you can’t see it, but can see what it does).



Song credit: Gungor, “Brother Moon”



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