Maybe that Mess was People, Not God?

Did you ever visit a church and something rubbed your heart wrong? Or maybe you experienced something from someone identifying as a Christian–maybe it was gossip, deceit, or some form of oppression, or maybe flat-out hate, or abuse. Worst of all, it may have been done with the support of bible texts.

If you thought: This cant be God—and if it is I want nothing to do with *Him– you may have been right. Maybe it was People, not God.

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God Loves Drum & Bass: Keep Calm, or Let Loose

[This post may be best experienced with speakers hooked up.]

Can we only experience God in a Cathedral or Sunday service? Do we need silence or meditation? If we’re searching with our hearts we might find *Him anywhere, but one powerful place is Music.

Let the Elevator loose! (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory)

Now, I want to tell you a secret. When I’m waiting at the bike light you’ll find me tapping beats on my brakes. Sure, it’s a normal sight, but you probably don’t imagine I’m exploding internally. Amidst the peace and silence “outside”, there’s rowdy beats and wild noise inside me.
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The Fourteenth Day: An Obscure Prophecy That Might Give Everything Purpose

I’m a bit bible nerdy and can dwell on, rather than skip over, peculiar texts. It’s a quirk I’m trying to appropriate, so here’s my take on a text you probably never heard in church: the fourteenth day.

It appeared during Moses’ instructions to Israel before the 10th and final, most gut-wrenching plague. Every first born was to be killed and it’s the plague that ultimately sparked the Exodus from Egypt.

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The Torch and Oven: A Christmas Story You didn’t Hear

Christmas is a time to enjoy cozy lights, sweets, and Dutch “gezelligheid” – a wonderful word without pure translation, but roughly  ‘nice/comfy/friendly/cozy-ness.’

Some think of “baby Jesus,” others of making everything “just right”, and still others wish to fast forward through the season. Holidays can be painful for some who’ve suffered so much, and I want to share a verse I’ve never heard at Christmastime which may give hope, especially to the oppressed. Or maybe just more perspective beyond the baby in a manger…

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Don’t Make God a Bear: A “Brave” Rebellion against Love’s Heart

Disney’s Brave touched my heart like Frozen, but more deeply. In Frozen we glimpse our divine identity and sacrificial love, but Brave touches on the reality of our love-hate relationship with God. (Warning, spoiler alert.)

Fiery and fun-loving Merida wants to live life on her own terms, like the rest of us. But rules and traditions oppress her spirit. Mom does her best to prep Merida for the way of princesses before her, aka arranged marriage and great authority, but the two are losing their minds, and eachother.

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A Rebel Christian Manifesto…or, Apology

This has been an extra hard post to write and share. The danger in revealing something of your heart is it becomes open for ridicule, but it can also spark hope in someone– do people know how loved they are!? So I write knowing some identifying as Christian will dispute, just like I dispute the Nashville Statementplease don’t think that speaks for me, other humans, or those  identifying as “Christian”, or even God *Himself

Religion can steal compassion and common sense, resulting in misinformed, cruel statements, actions, policies… But bible verses have always been used against fellow man, woman, child, even the environment.

Even the devil quoted scriptures.


(*I use He and His as simple pronouns for God but fully recognize God with male and female “identity” -for lack of a better word- as demonstrated throughout the bible and blatantly through humanity. Related post here.)

So for those not wanting anything to do with God or “Christians” because of those calling themselves “Christian,” and to stand (or, ahem, #takeaknee) with rebel Christians who’ve been persecuted and pushed out of churches for thinking, doing, or flat-out being something “different,”

And for every child, woman, or man that heard your voice doesn’t matter because of your age, skin color, gender, marital or parental status, anything external,  and for every creature and all nature that was abused under the notion that those made “in the image of God” are superior, this is for You.


Dear Children, little brothers and little sisters, You are the Mightiest Warriors of all.
Your heart, ideas, dreams and very life matter, not because of anything you do, but simply because: You Are. We are humbled by you. You’ve gone through fire because of the grave failings of our own adult hearts (Proverbs 17:3), and our grief is bottomless. (What are these tears God wipes in heaven if there are no more tears there? Maybe the ones we cry when we see just how much you’ve endured on our behalf…)

child heart - adult heart - as we grow let our compassion grow too
All heaven will bow before you. Thank you for your willingness to exist in this time with us.

Dear Women, Sisters, “Equal but with separate/different roles” was a lie spoken over you like “separate but equal” was spoken over those with darker skin color before you. You ARE equal to your brothers and your value rests not in your (in)ability to birth or raise children, to cook or clean… Your “role” was never meant to be defined by society, culture, the church, or anyone. God has always challenged our perception and understanding of identity and contrary to popular belief/practice, your giftings and talents were never supposed to be checked at the door when you came to a church service.

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Ugly Under America’s Rug: Is there Hope for a Cleanup?

I started this post in Nov. 2016 before the first #MuslimBan, then #Charlottseville happened, and now #DACA (deporting children and young adults who grew up in, and contribute to America, because they were not born in the U.S.). Even now, the political developments are whirlwind-like.

The call to protect our people | our borders | our way of life | were fierce already before the election, but look at U.S. now…

sweeping-it-under-the-rug - People are Suffering

This election amplified aspects of America (and the world) that have been hidden from mainstream media’s eye. But festering wounds can never be healed with bandaids and as all things eventually come to Light, Love is mobilizing.
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Social Justice or Sodomy? The Real Reason Sodom Burned

When did two people getting married become a bad thing?
When did consenting adults committing to a life of love and faithfulness together become something to mobilize against– by people professing a doctrine founded on unconditional love??!

There’s much judgement and hate directed towards those with a homosexual or bisexual lifestyle, and those identifying as transgender have recently been called out of Armed Service, cruelly (e.g. via twitter), and without genuine cause, despite each of these people writing blank checks to Uncle Sam payable up and unto their very lives.

Secretary of Defense Matthis urging Soldiers across all Branches to “Hold the Line” as America gets it’s act together…

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50 First Dates with God: Love, Faithfulness and Our Forgetful Nature

Remember “50 First Dates,” where Henry (Adam Sandler) meets Lucy (Drew Barrymore) who suffers from a rare form of amnesia? It’s a funny love story that shows how a devoted heart will go to all lengths, even self-sacrifice, to prove itself.

Henry and Lucy-50 First Dates

When watching we may consider our own relationship with God–atleast I did. Every day looking for *Him in Every. Thing. Hoping for an encounter in anything from a flash in nature, or a song, or moment with the kids, fill in the blank. The stuff where your heart flutters and you catch a glimpse.

But sometimes it’s like *He’s not there.

earth_shadow_-Kennedy Space Center

Intense brightness, but soo0 much dark…

Sometimes, some days, some seasons, I feel nothing, sense nothing. I’m surrounded by Void. I hate these moments that unite against my heart’s grip on memories of when God showed up…

I, like Lucy, can use a reminder.

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“I Just Wanna See the Light” – San Holo and The Hope of Heaven

If you read my #GodSingsBieber post, you know it’s possible to hear and meet God in places other than “Christian” songs and circles. And now that my own personal religious lid has been lifted, I’m free to hear *Him everywhere.

(*I use He/His as pronouns for God, but fully recognize God with male and female ‘identity’ -for lack of a better word- as evidenced through the bible and most blatantly through humanity. If you want to contemplate this, check my Transgender God posts.)

On morning my son requested a new San Holo traack, “Light.”  We knew the artist from a passionate track called “Victory,” so I was eager to hear the recommendation. We streamed it on #SoundCloud and the car filled up with that catchy melody and tender lyrics that rang like a longing in my heart– “I just want to see the Light…”

I guess I’m not the only one.

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